Do you struggle to manage your emotions?

Emotional regulation is a key factor in success in all areas of our modern lives. If you struggle to manage your emotions, you may find it difficult to communicate effectively or to understand others’ perspectives. You may frequently lose control and take actions you later regret. Or you may find yourself suppressing your emotions by eating or drinking more than you would like. If left unaddressed, emotional dysregulation can contribute to chronic stress, anxiety and low self-worth, as well as failure or lack of fulfilment in your career or relationships.

Evolutionary context

Emotions have deep evolutionary roots. Our ancestors relied on emotions as adaptive tools for survival. Fear helped them respond to threats, love strengthened social bonds, and anger fuelled resource acquisition. These ancient emotional responses persist in our modern lives and still serve an adaptive purpose: they help us to adapt to and cope with changes in our environment, they influence our priorities and decision-making processes, and contribute to memory formation and organisation.

However, even though we don’t generally face the same threats of our ancestors, the same primal neural pathways may be activated by modern-day stressors such as work pressures, social interactions and other day-to-day inconveniences, sometimes leading to behaviours which do not serve us well in our modern lives. We may on occasion experience a tension between a strong survival urge to fight or run away, and a opposing desire to do what is socially acceptable. Those who are more adept at regulating their emotions are better able to make sound judgments, despite strong feelings. Conversely, those who have poorer emotional regulation skills are more susceptible to allowing their emotions to dictate their behaviours, sometimes resulting in outcomes which are harmful to themselves or others. Emotional regulation enables us to discern which emotional responses to embrace and which to avoid (Wegner, Erber, & Zanakos, 1993).

Nature or nurture?

Differences in people’s ability to manage emotions emerge from various factors. Personality traits play a significant role, with each person’s unique disposition influencing how they perceive and regulate emotions. Some individuals are naturally more expressive, while others tend to be more reserved. Additionally, emotional intelligence (EI) varies among people. Some excel in recognising and managing their own emotions and those of others, while others may struggle with this skill. Attachment style, shaped by early relationships, affects how individuals handle emotions within close social bonds. Cultural background also plays a role, as norms and values influence emotional expression and regulation. Furthermore, gender differences contribute to distinct patterns in emotional regulation due to societal expectations and biological factors. Lastly, some individuals experience alexithymia, characterised by difficulty identifying and describing emotions.

Can emotional regulation skills be improved?

Fortunately, there are a number of evidence-based strategies that most people can use to improve their emotional regulation skills if they are motivated to. These include developing your ability to recognise and understand your emotions, and learning to challenge your thoughts and consider other perspectives. Mindfulness and grounding techniques are also helpful skills.

How would I benefit from improving my emotional regulation skills?

The benefits of improved emotional regulation can be significant. Personally, you may experience reduced levels of stress, increased resilience, and improved overall wellbeing. You may also see improvements in your relationships, as better emotional regulation can lead to more effective communication and conflict resolution.

Professionally, those with strong emotional regulation skills may experience greater job satisfaction, improved performance, and enhanced leadership capabilities. They may also be better equipped to handle challenging situations, navigate workplace dynamics, and build positive working relationships with colleagues and clients.

Improving emotional regulation skills can therefore lead to a happier, more successful, and fulfilling life both personally and professionally.

How can coaching help?

Depending on your individual goals, coaching may help in a number of ways. Coaching can facilitate awareness by helping you to recognise your emotions and the factors influencing them. It can support you in making constructive changes in your environment and can offer practical, evidence-based tools and strategies to help you manage your emotions more effectively. Finally, coaching can provide accountability and support you in staying motivated to become the person you want to be.

If you’d like to find out how well you manage your emotions, feel free to take my free quiz.

Coaching can help you to reverse the downward spiral, gain control of your emotions and use them intelligently to benefit your mental and physical wellbeing and functioning in all areas of life.